No one seems to prepare you for this season – the season when your kids go to college. I’m sure there are a ton of books out there. I’ve just chosen not to read them. I find reading books about what’s stressing me out actually stresses me out so I don’t read them. Nonetheless, as a homeschooling mom, my world has definitely changed. I knew it would, and I have been preparing for it by praying and searching for my next possible career.
I have volunteered with our church for decades; but as this season has been approaching, I’ve been looking for new opportunities while waiting on whatever God might call me to do career-wise. Even though I have found some wonderful avenues to keep myself extremely busy. I’m still unsettled. My world had a rhythm to it. I knew the basic plan for the day and each child had certain activities on certain days so there was a schedule. Ah, a schedule, how I miss a schedule. I truly think that’s been one of the hardest adjustments. Without routine activities for children and not being in charge of their education, I find myself without a schedule. I never realized how much I craved that until I didn’t have one. Yes, I could go get a job, which would give me a schedule, which would then probably cause me to complain about having a schedule; but I don’t want just any job. I want to have the job God wants me to have because if there’s one lesson I learned in the previous season is that if I’m doing what God wants me to do there is peace and happiness. As of right now, God has me in a waiting place. So, you combine the kids going off to college with my first career of homeschooling ending with no answer as to what the second career will be with God’s silence and the appearance that he wants me to wait; and well, this was not my plan.
I know there are multiple lessons God is trying to teach me and within each lesson I’m sure there are layers to the lesson. One of the many lessons is living for today. Since I don’t have a good schedule, I don’t have a new career, and I seem to be waiting, I really can only live for today because I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I usually have something on the calendar for every day, but I find that what happens today tends to change what will happen tomorrow. Again, this is a horribly uncomfortable place for this planner to be, which, again, I think is part of the lesson. I’m learning a new kind of faith, and I’m learning to live out Matthew 6:34 and James 4:13-14.
When I stop and think about the fact that I don’t know the plan, I truly get very lost and confused. It reminds me of when I ride my horse. When riding, where you look is where the horse goes. The minute I start looking all around and not knowing where to go or what to do, my horse starts not knowing what to do. When I start thinking about the fact that I don’t know the plan and I start worrying or planning or stressing, I’m taking my eyes off God; and I don’t know what to do. When I refocus on God and remember that he has a plan, which is better than any I could create, I calm down.
So, here’s to focusing on God, embracing a new season, and not knowing the plan. Cheers!